what can I compare you to?
sounds reverb
years after they have stopped
songs repeat
even when I seek quiet
half crazy with the memory
of crystalline notes
indelible words
and your voice with them
images dip in and out of my view
coloring my days your shade
what is today?
strong in your faintness
loud in your silence
here in your absence
Feb 18, 2010
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as you move into another "draft", try adding precise details of the "sounds", "songs," "words", and "images." This will take the poem to a deeper, more personalized level that will render the intensity you seek.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming these are your "assignments" that you give to your students.
No, these are assignments I got from a daily reader that is intended for prose, not poetry, so I modify the assignments - but I am looking for some better options.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for taking the time to read my work, it's not even close to your calibre.
Show Not Tell! I give my students that line - and I myself fell short here. I think I am a better teacher of writing than writer!